A few good jokes

[V8Bikers]

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling
my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend, yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I
should change dentists?

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said
she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not
listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I went to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I
lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly
hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa ! Who knew?
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing
commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct
answer either.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophile's but at least they
drive slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his
girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He
said "Her brother's got a mustache."

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel
in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular
porn, you sick bastard."
__________________

[Iron Maiden]

Some of these are just sooooo wrong but very funny!!

[GordonBH]

I really chuckled at these, thanks for posting, and you bet some are so un-PC but I do remember reading about the 1st Amendment in history and fundamentally support your right to freedom of speech.

I believe your Constitution was heavily influenced by the Magna Carta, add the 5th Amendment, Suspension Clause and 9th Amend. and a few other bits too.

[Ravinsomniac]

How do Muslim's practice safe sex ?

They paint a big black X on the camels that kick..

[Ravinsomniac]

My neighbor told me the other day that he and his Wife have been married for over 50 years. He said, one day last week, she walked naked into the room and asked, "What do you like better about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He said, "I like your sense of humor."

[Ravinsomniac]

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the Father is ?"
Prostitute replies, "Oh for goodness sakes, if you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart ?"

[V8Norm]

A Ford motor mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a V8 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his work shop. The doctor was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey doc, do you want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and replaced anything damaged and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running!"

[rocketsteve]

[Ravinsomniac]

The other day, I drove my pick-up to the Hardware Store to get some plywood. As I sat out front waiting to get loaded up, I tried putting on my emergency flashers, that sometimes don't work properly. There was a pretty Blonde walking behind my truck, I leaned out the window and asked her if my flashers were working. She looked, paused then said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No"

[V8Bikers]

A few days after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Benton Harbor, MI man answered his door to find two grim-faced Harbor Master officers. "We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife".

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Cedric Flynn asked.

One officer said, "Well, we have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news"!

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Lord suffering Jesus", exclaimed Flynn. What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 60's, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, ”We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

[Ravinsomniac]

[second chance]

enjoy the site every Friday, thanks

[Ravinsomniac]

click on photo to enlarge

[V8Bikers]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally, I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.

[petitemoose]

Since we are using sound Logic and deep thinking ... I have a question.

For AGES it has been said that the Wives (and Women in General ) are always right. Assuming this is true, When Two Lesbians get into an argument ... Who is wrong???

[Ravinsomniac]

The Classic 2009 Verizon Wireless Ad

[petitemoose]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.

They carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face Cream and puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."

That's him, there in Aisle 5.

[Ravinsomniac]

Everyone keeps telling me that Jesus is coming. Actually, he just left and this time he did a pretty good job on the lawn.

Jesus Landscaping and Lawn Maintenance

[Ravinsomniac]

FLORIDA COUGAR RESTING IN TREE

[AdvenJack]

Napping after mating

[AdvenJack]

I received a funny email with just a couple of sentences and two pictures pictures
that I'd like to see posted here for all to enjoy. How can I get that done?

[AdvenJack]

Since we are using sound Logic and deep thinking ... I have a question.

For AGES it has been said that the Wives (and Women in General ) are always right. Assuming this is true, When Two Lesbians get into an argument ... Who is wrong???

The guy next door...

[AdvenJack]

That first post at the top is filled with GEMS!!!

[V8Bikers]

I received a funny email with just a couple of sentences and two pictures pictures
that I'd like to see posted here for all to enjoy. How can I get that done?

Hi Jack- to share the e-mail .....copy and paste the text. You will have to save the photo, once saved you can click on tab below “upload attachment”.

I look forward to seeing the post

[AdvenJack]

OK. DONE - HAPPY