Dirty one liners-what cha got?

[V8Bikers]

Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

[Iron Maiden]

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

[V8Bikers]

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

[V8Bikers]

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

[V8Bikers]

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

[V8Bikers]

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!

[V8Bikers]

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold more auditions for her part.

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

[Geezer]

[ElsV8]

[V8Bikers]

My drop dead gorgeous blonde sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off first.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "screw it, soldier on!" I woke up this morning at 8:00 am, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.