Beans

[okie]

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became

apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up

beans.


Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from

work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told

him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my

way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more

than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off

any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and

before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.


Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly:

"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."


He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took

a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone

rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned

and went

to answer the call.


The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure

was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I

seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It

was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over

a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap

and fanned the air around me vigorously.



Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink

was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,

I went on like this for another few minutes.


The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells

signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more

times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back

on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.


My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,

apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through

the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.


At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated

around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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[Boom Boom & Rockstar]

hey okie, this is not a joke but what Rockstar did to me in a store last month..he has a problem with heartburn so he takes meds for it and the meds gives him gas..guess the heartburn has to go somewhere..anyway we are shopping and we are in this short aisle and i see him take off fast and go around the corner to the next aisle i'm wondering what the heck is he leaving the area so fast..meanwhile a mom and her young son comes up along side of me and then i smell it..i'm thinking that crazy fool let one rip and left me holding the bag ..the mom looks at me with this snicker on her face and the kid is looking at me waving his hand in front of his nose..i walk around to the next aisle and that idiot is laughing..god i hate when he does that to me...now that our dog is getting older she has gas all the time..i heard there is beano for dogs..between the 2 of them they will kill me...BoomBoom

[okie]

Hey Boom Boom that was funnier than the joke!!